People Pleasing 101 🍎
The Psychology of People Pleasing & How EFT Can Help
People pleasing is as common as a left Tinder swipe 📱these days & can be both beneficial & detrimental to our silly little lives. But why? Where does it come from? 🤔 People pleasing is often rooted in a need for acceptance, security & love. Think Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride. People pleasers (such as myself circa 2018) tend to focus on what others need and how they feel, while discounting their own needs. This can lead to feelings of resentment and low self-esteem 😔
Dr. Nicole LePera, a dope-a$$ psychologist, influencer & authors of one of my favourite books ‘How to do the Work’ once said on her Instagram 👇
“When children are emotionally neglected, they unconsciously abandon their sense of self in order to maintain their relationship with the parent figure”.
I think this is extremely prevalent in the mother-daughter dynamic based off my own experience & upbringing. Often when my mother would ask me to do anything my immediate response was always ‘yes’ & then some. Even if I had plans, even if I really, really did not want to. In the rare instances where I would have to say ‘no’ - it was the entrée to the main course of barraging emotions that would circulate in my body, from guilt, to actual physical sickness 🤢
Fortunately, there is help for those of us who struggle with people pleasing behaviours 🙌 Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is an evidence-based approach that can help people identify the ✨ underlying causes ✨ of their people pleasing behaviours and develop healthier ways of responding to situations!
Maybe you haven’t said ‘no’ to your mother just yet because the thought alone makes you want to vomit up last night’s pizza 🍕 And that’s okay! EFT works by tapping on specific points on the body while focusing on negative emotions or thoughts associated with the issue at hand. We can practice responses that don’t involve ‘No, I mean, well, not right now, I mean, maybe I could do it later today? Actually, you know what I can do that for you right now, can I also get you a coffee?’ 😵💫 By practicing your responses before the situation occurs can help to reduce stress levels & create a sense of emotional balance in the body. Through EFT, people can learn how to better manage their emotions AND become more aware of their own needs as well as those of others! 🙌
In addition to EFT, it’s important for people pleasers to practice self-care activities such as setting up boundaries, learning when you should *ACTUALLY* apologise, learning to deal with conflict even if it makes you hella’ uncomfortable, self-acceptance & understanding that not everyone is going to think you’re the Queen Bey’s knees. Yes, that was a Beyoncé reference… AND SO MUCH MORE!
All of these self-care activities can help bring more balance ⚖️ into your life and reduce the need to please others at all costs!
Overall, understanding the psychology behind people pleasing behaviours can be super helpful in finding ways to break free from them. With the right tools *cough* EFT *cough* & support systems in place, it is possible to find healthier ways of relating with others without sacrificing your own needs or happiness in the process! 🧘♀️
